The season is long and full of terrors…
đ Super JaâMarrio Brothers: Defending Title, Mildly
W 109.12 – 73.14 over Sills Mafia
The reigning champs came into Week 1 with all the hype, all the projections, and none of the urgency. Despite a below-expectation performance, Super JaâMarrio Brothers comfortably handled business against Sills Mafia, who forgot the season started. Even with underwhelming output, the Brothers looked unbothered â and maybe thatâs the scariest part.
âď¸ The Stingers vs Goalsen: From Tank to Tragedy
L 111.02 – 119.66
Fresh off a rebuild season, The Stingers came out swinging â but ran headfirst into the buzzsaw that is Goalsenâs championship-caliber lineup. Adam’s team came in locked and loaded with top-tier talent, flexing his rosterâs upside early. Still, the Stingers proved theyâre no longer a doormat and could easily play spoiler â or better.
đ¨ Kicker Not Found: Might Midget Murray Falls to Jerryâs ProtĂŠgĂŠ
L 87.72 – 114.62
In what might be the easiest fantasy autopsy of the week, Midget Murray forgot to start a kicker. Brunoâs squad looked directionless, while Jerry Jones ProtĂŠgĂŠ enjoyed a spark from newly acquired Emeka Egbuka. Maybe a little waiver wire discipline couldâve changed this story. For now, it’s a classic case of âSet Your Lineup, Dummy.â
đ Aswedler vs Farmer Dan: One Point Pain
L 95.08 – 96.28
A matchup that came down to decimal dust. Aswedler takes the leagueâs first heartbreak loss, falling just short of Farmer Dan â who immediately regretted trading Derrick Henry⌠until he squeaked out the W. Danâs team didnât impress, but a winâs a win, and in this league, those are currency.
đ˛đ˝ Latinos 4 Trump Find Redemption Over SMYTDs
W 127.12 – 112.56
Both teams entered Week 1 with something to prove after forgettable 2024 seasons. Latinos 4 Trump brought the heat, putting up the second-highest score of the week. SMYTDs werenât bad â they just ran into a squad with purpose. Itâs early, but L4T look rejuvenated. Maybe itâs the name. Maybe it’s the players. Maybe itâs destiny.
đ Game of the Week: Christzyn McFâd Me vs All Aboard the Achane
W 143.43 – 137.12
This one had it all: high scores, rising stars, and a heavyweight clash between two of the league’s most complete rosters. Christzyn McFucked Me pulled off the W by the slimmest of margins, and itâs already being called a potential playoff preview. Both teams showed their teeth â this wonât be the last time these titans cross paths.
đ§ââď¸ Final Thoughts
Week 1 is in the books. Some teams cruised, others cracked, and a few had their souls crushed by decimals. But this is fantasy football â and as those who watched Game of Thrones know, the season is long and full of terrors.
To the managers who started slow: donât panic (yet).
To the winners: enjoy the high, it never lasts.
And to everyone: set your damn lineups.